New Brunswick — A recent outbreak of COVID-19 in Moncton has led to a number of new regulations within the province.
A government press conferenced on Thursday outlined the new rules, including a controversial new step to make masks mandatory for all indoor social gatherings.
“Now, I know that nobody is happy about these regulations,” said Premier Blaine Higgs, speaking in pacifying voice. “But, seeing as we have to follow them — and we do — we might as well make it fun.”
With this, he revealed a PowerPoint slide featuring a low-quality still from the 1982 film Halloween III featuring three colourful masks, a pumpkin, a witch and a skull.
“Halloween masks!” he said, excitedly. “Ain’t that neat? Because it’s October! Something different, anyway.”
“Will all masks have to be Halloween masks?” asked one reporter from the CBC.
“Yes, under penalty of a $200 fine,” said Higgs, with a slight nod. “Studies show that wearing a plastic Spider-Man mask is significantly safer than wearing nothing at all. Isn’t that right, Dawn?”
“I mean…I don’t know. Yes. I guess,” said Dr. Russell, sighing and rubbing an index finger between her eyebrows.
Another reporter from the Times & Transcript raised her pen.
“Once the retirement homes allow visiting again, it will be the first time my 94-year-old mother will have seen me in weeks,” she said. “Should I wear a Halloween mask?”
“Absolutely,” he said, with a sly smirk and a wink. “Really scare the crap outta her.”