Lincoln — A dump truck collided with the Lincoln Bridge just outside of Oromocto shortly after midnight Sunday, shutting down all through-traffic indefinitely. Authorities are rerouting traffic via the Nevers Road, but are also asking people to be on the lookout for any suspicious activity.
“This may not be an isolated incident,” warned RCMP spokesperson David Longwell. “We’ve set up surveillance teams at various undisclosed locations around Fredericton and the surrounding area, but we’re also hoping to get help from the public.”
RCMP have opened up various tip-lines, urging people to call in and report any suspicious dump truck-related activities. When asked to elaborate on exactly what that meant, Longwell had this to say: “You know, maybe like driving towards bridges with their buckets up for some reason. Also, if the drivers have a crazed look in their eyes, that can sometimes be a dead giveaway.”
The damage sustained to the Lincoln Bridge was significant enough to require an engineering assessment before it can be reopened, which is an inconvenience for anyone working in the Lincoln area.
“I don’t have time to go through the Nevers to get to Oromocto every morning,” Chris Bilensky, an airport worker, told The Manatee, “and I’ll be damned if I have to drink one more cup of Irving coffee. They need to either bring in a tiny ferry or build a Tims this side of the river.”
Rumours of conspiracy have begun circulating on the Internet, suggesting that perhaps this was all an elaborate plan to lessen the wait time at the Restigouche Road Tim Hortons. Coincidentally, that location just closed down its restaurant for renovations, leaving only the drive-thru opened until spring.
“I got my double-double in about a minute flat this morning,” an anonymous coffee-drinker told our reporter. He assured us that he knew nothing of the conspiracy, but he had an unmistakable smirk and crazed look in his eyes as he waved goodbye and drove off in his dump truck.