Riverview — Residents in a west Riverview neighbourhood were aghast Saturday afternoon when insurance broker and known troublemaker Thomas Lansky again began tormenting those in the area with what can only be described as the devil’s music from his FM radio.
Sources say the overly tanned, uncouth, middle-class miscreant — who also holds sway as Sales Leader Mentor for HereNow Home Insurance — could be heard shamelessly belting out music from the likes of Aerosmith, Jon Bon Jovi and even Twisted Sister to unsuspecting virgin ears late into the early evening.
Neighbours say the blasphemous music was so loud it could be heard over the endless droning of lawnmowers, weed-whackers and other gas-powered lawn maintenance tools that usually permeate the area on a weekend basis. Parents living close to Lansky’s home were said to have quickly gathered their vulnerable children inside, shielding them from what can only be described as the pied pipering of a deranged Satanist.
“It was terrible,” said Melinda Garner, a mother of 2 who lives next to the Lansky residence. “This monster… this beast of a man trying to poison us with this musical filth!”
Witnesses say Lansky’s brutish rock ‘n’ roll fanaticism only reached an end when the aging brokerage manager dragged out an electric guitar and amplifier onto his deck and unsuccessfully attempted to play along with Rick Springfield’s “Jesse’s Girl.”
Much like a demon latching on to the back of Lucifer himself, Lansky did manage to loosely play in sync with 2 to 3 chords of the unholy rock song and shrilly and accurately sing along with 65 percent of the words as local wildlife fled the area as though some foreboding power were warding them off. However, witnesses say Lansky appeared disappointed in himself and woefully lurched back inside his 3-storey home as he unceremoniously unplugged his radio, cutting short an ad for a local car dealership.