Saint John — Ashton Kutcher once said, “The scruffier your beard, the sharper you need to dress.” If that’s the case, then Saint John resident Kevin Barbiche will need to start wearing a tuxedo.
The 31-year-old came back from Christmas holidays last week sporting a full beard that he grew out over the break. Barbiche claims that his new facial fuzz saved his skin from harsh winter winds over the past three weeks, and he’s decided to keep it.
“I keep seeing people without beards now, and I’m like ‘Your face must be freezing!'” he laughed, unconsciously stroking his scruffy face like a short-haired cat. “The windchill has been so terribly cold, but I don’t even notice it. I shovelled outside for 15 minutes last week and it felt like a spring day to me!”
Despite his enthusiasm, Barbiche’s closest friends are completely unsupportive of this change and they are encouraging him to shave it as soon as possible. “It is not a good look for him,” said his best friend Brian Poils. “It’s a weird, wiry trainwreck! It looks like a half-dead lawn full of weeds and sadness.
“It’s hard because he’s never grown anything on his face and he’s really proud of it,” said Poils. “He’s been documenting it on social media and everything. But, his Instagram looks like a slow-moving car crash that only gets more horrifying and gut-wrenching as the days go by. He’s getting zero likes on those pics, but he won’t take the hint.”
Nevertheless, Barbiche is doubling down on his wispy whiskers. “I know my friends aren’t buying into my beard yet, but they just need to get used to it. I think the ladies really like it!”
When pressed for more details on which ladies like it, Barbiche mentioned that his female sample size was relatively small. “Well, my mom says it looks handsome,” he said.