Rookie politician mixes up shaking hands and kissing babies — baby unharmed

Rookie politician mixes up shaking hands and kissing babies — baby unharmed

Fredericton — With the capital city’s municipal election just around the corner, one first-time politician is shaking things up on the campaign trail — literally.

Last week, little known mayor-wannabe Peter Mothman declared his candidacy to become Fredericton’s next mayor and immediately hit the streets of the City of Stately Elms in an attempt to get his name out there and win potential voters. But, about an hour into his campaign, things went terribly wrong and now Mothman thinks his career in politics may have come to a startling halt.

“I just wanted to do everything right,” he told The Manatee. “I read all kinds of books and articles on how to become a successful politician, and one thing kept coming up over and over was shaking hands and kissing babies.”

Mothman had all the tools he needed to become a viable mayoral candidate: he was smart, charming, attractive, had a genuine concern for the people of Fredericton and he had studied the subtleties of politics his entire life, according to his mother.

“He’s wanted to be mayor for as long as I can remember,” recalled Cheryl Mothman, mother of the only child. “He used to get all dressed up in his father’s suit and pretend he was Brad Woodside — he’d even have a pretend beer bottle for when he was off duty. It was adorable.”

During the budding politician’s first official public event, a book-reading at downtown magazine shop Read’s, Mothman finished reading an excerpt from his yet-to-be-published children’s book, “The Boy Who Wanted to be Mayor,” and then made an attempt at schmoozing the crowd. That’s when disaster struck.

“I can’t even explain what happened,” he said, regretfully. “I saw this lady there with a baby and thought ‘Here’s my big chance’ but I screwed it all up — thank god the baby wasn’t hurt.”

Witnesses stated that Mothman grabbed the woman’s hand, brought it to his mouth and planted a kiss on her knuckles before taking the baby from her and shaking the infant vigorously. Luckily, the mother acted quickly and grabbed the baby from Mothman’s hands before any damage was done.

“I was just there looking for the new Nicholas Sparks book,” recalled Sylvia Justerson, “when all of the sudden this creep starts making out with my hand and then takes my baby from me. And then he started shaking her as if he was mixing a martini or something — I think he was on mushrooms.”

Mothman has since removed his name from contention in the race for mayor, but he remains hopeful that this isn’t the end of his political career.

“I don’t want to be known as the guy who shook the baby,” he told our reporter. “Hopefully this thing will all blow over and I can get back into the game someday.”

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