Saint John considers possible teenager hunt in Millidgeville

Saint John considers possible teenager hunt in Millidgeville

Saint John — In the same common council meeting on Monday night in which the possibility of hunting deer in the Millidgeville area was raised, another controversial idea was floated by Deputy Mayor Shirley McAlary.

“I was, and remain, strongly opposed to the idea of hunting deer in the Millidgeville area,” said McAlary. “Especially while the true scourge of the neighbourhood is allowed to thrive unabated.”

She is referring, of course, to the bevy of teenagers known to reside in Millidgeville, terrorizing its inhabitants.

The Manatee spoke with longtime resident Harold Witherspoon, who says that he regularly sees the teenagers “carrying on” and “causing all sorts of mischief” in the area.

“Yeah, uh-huh, yup. It’s constant…Egging the houses, smashing pumpkins on Halloween, driving around the neighbourhood with the windows down blasting loud ‘rappity rap’ music,” he said. “One time, I caught a group of them taking turns making out with my neighbour’s Shih Tzu. Now, what the hell would be the point of that?”

Many feel that the teenagers’ behaviour is made all the worse by immense privilege that they enjoy. Acting out while in a position of adversity is one thing, but, as residents will tell you, it’s entirely different when coming from “rich kids.”

“Some of them are really embarrassing to see — walking around in all black, smoking, and complaining that ‘the world is against them’ or whatever,” said Eloise Markem, teacher at Millidgeville North School. “Like, your dad’s an Irving. Fuck off.”

In her proposal, McAlary outlined some regulations she feels that local hunters should adhere to. Chief among them: no killing. This of course, is more of a legal requirement than a moral viewpoint on behalf of the city. Still, it is recommended that hunters instead make an effort to entrap the teenagers through the use of nets, rubber bullets and tranquilizers. The sedated youths can then be returned to their homes, or placed into police custody.

Many assumed that the parents of these teenagers would naturally be opposed to this suggestion, but public inquiries have thus far proven otherwise.

“I say shoot the bastards,” said Gary Hickey, Millidgeville father of two teenage sons. “Maybe it’ll do ‘em some good.”

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