Saint John graffiti artist embarrasses city and himself

Saint John graffiti artist embarrasses city and himself

Saint John — A recent defacement of the Port City by a supposed graffiti artist has its residents and the residents of its future neighbourhoods Rothesay and Quispamsis in an uproar. The person or persons painted the simple word “MAD” on bus stops, street signs, sidewalks, sides of buildings and who knows what else.

“It is completely unacceptable,” said Little Jimmy, the top graffiti artist in the city and one of the best in the country. Little Jimmy is known for his work in skulls and fat words. As one admirer (who adamantly refused to be named, but he hangs out at Second Cup) said, “Little Jimmy is a god.”

“We [the loose collection of local graffiti artists] got together the other night over beers and came up with a name for this loser. We think it fits.”

They decided to name him “Three-legged Puppy.”

“He tags walls like a three-legged dog tags his territory,” Little Jimmy told this reporter. And his ranting didn’t stop there. “He is by far the worst graffiti artist this city — no, this country — has ever seen. This is one shitty Canada 150 legacy he’s spreading. Can’t even make his one stupid word look good.”

I asked Little Jimmy what the word “MAD” means.

“It means you’re crazy, duh.”

I asked him if it was urban slang.

“No. Buddy probably can’t read. He’s probably sixteen, just got his licence, and is still in Grade 3 because he can spell no other words.”

Besides sucking at art, illiteracy would be a crippling disability for any graffiti artist.

Speculation persists that the culprit used an automobile to traverse the communities in such a short time-span. “He’s too lazy to learn to draw, so he must be too lazy to walk or ride a bike,” said Little Jimmy, who seemed quite embarrassed just talking about the little punk. “He gives us artists a bad name. I hope he’s caught soon and locked up. We are going mad over this.”

I asked Little Jimmy if he had any advice for Three-legged Puppy.

“Why bother? He’ll never be able to read this.”

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