Sears closures force Gallant to have speedy, secret wedding to protect gift registry

Sears closures force Gallant to have speedy, secret wedding to protect gift registry

New Brunswick — This past weekend, as the colours of autumn came fully into bloom, so did the love of New Brunswick’s charismatic Premier Brian Gallant and his new wife Karine. In a surprise series of posts, Gallant shared a photo of the couple dressed in their wedding attire on his social media accounts as he announced their expedited nuptials.

“When we heard that Sears was going to be closing all of their stores, we knew we had to act quickly,” recalled the still-glowing Gallant. “We had already picked out our entire registry there and didn’t want to go through that process again. And we certainly didn’t want our friends an family to simply give us gifts from the heart or anything — we wanted good stuff!”

The premier then showed our reporter wedding pictures on his phone that were mostly selfies.

“I mean, look how cute I look,” he said, and wasn’t wrong. “Like, a bowtie — I’m adorable.”

We weren’t surprised to learn that Gallant’s beloved dog Blaze played a major part in the big day.

“No question he was the best man,” Gallant said. “And he was such a good boy, too. He only pooped inside once the whole time, he didn’t lose the ring and his speech was hilarious — way better than Horsman who basically just said kind things about Karine and me. Thanks for putting us to sleep, Horsy.”

Reaction around the province was a mixture of surprise, heartbreak and genuine confusion as to why the premier thought he had to have a secret wedding as if he were some big deal or something.

“I mean, of course I’m happy for them both,” said Danielle Horne of Fredericton. “I just thought I had more time. I know this sounds stupid, but I just always held onto hope that maybe he would see me outside of his office and realize that I’m the one for him, not Karine.”

Boris Julien of St. Andrews, where the couple wed, said he didn’t know what was going on when he saw limos and black SUVs pulling into town last week.

“Honestly, I thought it must be someone really important like Wayne Gretzky, so at first it was pretty exciting,” he recalled. “Then I heard that it was just Brian Gallant and suddenly didn’t care anymore.”

Gallant wanted to pass on some words of wisdom to other newlyweds in the Picture Province before ending our interview.

“Women,” he said, “treat your man like the king he is and then you’ll surely be his princess.”

The premier seemed perplexed when our reporter tried to point out the obvious flaw in the relationship between a king and princess, and he just continued anyway.

“And fellas, just keep in mind that your lady is like a precious gem, and gems need to be shined up once in a while.”

Our reporter had no idea what that was even supposed to mean.

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