Moncton — New Brunswick’s Minister of Health, Dorothy Shephard, told reporters Wednesday that it’s perfectly safe to eat lobster and other shellfish from the Moncton and the Acadian Peninsula areas, but when offered a plate of said seafood, refused to eat any herself.
Shephard claimed that she could tell the plate contained shrimp and calamari from other areas, and that using different sources in one meal “wouldn’t mix.”
“It’s like I always told my staff at Benjamin Moore, you don’t mix paint from New Brunswick with paint from anywhere else!” said Shephard, referencing her previous job as a manager at Benjamin Moore, which some might argue doesn’t have anything to do with health care or politics.
“There’s definitely nothing wrong with this shellfish, and I totally would eat it, it’s just that I think this particular blend on this specific plate is just not a good batch.”
During the press conference Shephard said that contaminated shellfish, blue-green algae and pesticides have all been ruled out as possible causes for the mystery brain disease plaguing 48 New Brunswickers in the same small area, of whom most admitted to having eaten lobster from said area in the past two years. A CBC reporter brought out a fresh plate of mussels from only Tracadie after the health minister turned down the first one, but Shephard turned the new plate down too.
“You didn’t see them because I’m wearing a mask, but I was munching on chips during the whole press conference until just now,” said Shephard. “Wow — I’m actually so full, I wish I hadn’t eaten all those chips! I really want to enjoy some fresh, perfectly safe seafood from northern New Brunswick!”
When asked about what other possible causes there could be for the mystery neurological disease, Shephard said: “Yes, New Brunswick does have the freshest and tastiest seafood in the world, my department has never denied that to my knowledge.”
The reporter pointed out that that had nothing to do with their question, to which Shephard replied: “We will reach out to you privately to discuss your question. In fact, we can meet at one of the lobster shacks in the Parlee Beach area and discuss it over dinner. I’ll probably only get drinks, but I’ll pay for your meal if you want to get a nice, big, locally sourced seafood platter.”