New Brunswick — This week, it was revealed that Atlantic Lottery Corporation’s new online gaming platform “iCasino” exceeded expectations, taking in over $7.3 million from residents in its first eight months of operation. Encouraged by this success, the province announced that it will be expanding into other online markets.
“We were very pleased to see that our online gambling program is doing so well,” said ALC president Alexander Parton. “So, naturally, we began looking for other branches that could prove similarly successful in the online space. I recalled my last visit to Las Vegas, and, well, it wasn’t hard to determine what the next step ought to be.”
iCome will be a new government-owned and operated escort service, expected to go online in July 2022. The delay, according to the company, is to give its first batch of employees time to graduate high school.
The site is expected to have a directory for in-person meetings eventually, but, due to the pandemic, it will start off with phone and video options exclusively.
On Monday, Premier Blaine Higgs spoke briefly to the press about this initiative — an unexpected one, from a Conservative government. He entered the room wearing a silk cape and a purple hat with a long red feather. He smiled, revealing a single gold tooth.
“I wouldn’t think this should be all that surprising,” he began. “After all, we run the liquor supply, the drug game, the gambling rings, and now the escort services. It makes perfect sense to me. It’s better we control it than the criminals, wouldn’t you say?”
A reporter from the Telegraph-Journal raised her hand.
“What steps is the province taking to ensure that these initiatives are being run more effectively than, say, the mob, Mr. Premier?”
“Please,” he said. “Call me Godfather.”