St. Stephen — In what is being hailed as the greatest architectural and social development in the history of the border-town, St. Stephen has announced plans for an exciting new development project in its downtown area: simply putting up pictures of other, better places.
It was reported early this morning that the town would be investing in its future by developing two blocks in the downtown area with something that St. Stepheners and those who are passing through the town would love to see — anything other than St. Stephen.
The Manatee interviewed residents of the town to gauge their reaction to the proposal and found only positive responses.
“This is the single greatest idea I have ever heard in all of my 79 years,” articulated Joseph Borrows who has lived in St. Stephen all his life. “I get so tired of seeing the same old crappy stuff here, stupid buildings and stupid people. I don’t know how to use the interweb thing, and the damn police took my driving permit away, so this is wonderful.”
The proposed plan will see developers tear down the buildings that currently occupy the two-block downtown space, and then the town will spend its entire budget on printing pictures from Walmart and pinning them to colourful pages of Bristol board that will be erected at the site.
“I think we can cover most, if not all, of the area in Bristol board and pictures,” explained the mayor, who has oddly requested not to be named even though he’s a public figure. “It all depends on where we can get the best price on supplies — I’m hoping the owner of the local Dollarama cuts us a deal.”
The mayor said the idea came to him during a recent survey his office conducted on the wants and needs of town residents. “We went door-to-door and asked every single person what they’d like to see. It took about an hour and a half, and overwhelmingly people kept coming up with the same thing — they wanted to see something other than St. Stephen.
“We had originally thought about installing a big-screen TV there and just looping through different pictures, but we figured that would blow our budget for the next several years.”
Although the plan is in its early stages, the mayor did show our reporter some of the photos he intends to use for the project, which is being tentatively called “Be somewhere else.” The pictures show mostly different parts of New Brunswick, with a large focus on landmarks such as the big axe in Nackawic, the covered bridge in Hartland and the Reversing Falls in Saint John.
Our reporter reached out to Brian Gallant to glean his opinion. “Wow, they’re really sheltered if they’re aspiring to be in any of those places,” said the premier.