Staying in Your Blaine: Part 4 — Final Thoughts

Staying in Your Blaine: Part 4 — Final Thoughts


People ask me all the time, they say, “Hey buddy, y’got a dart?”

As a non-smoker, my answer had always been “No.” But then, something changed. I learned the importance of supply and demand.

I discovered that, if I carried a pack on me at all times, I was actually able to get two dollars or more per cigarette off of these smelly bums. It might take them a full hour of panhandling to get that money, and I can take it off them in seconds.

They have the addiction, I have the the stimulant. Supply, and demand.

This is just one of many fundamental truths about business that one must intuitively understand. The second is keeping your ideas both succinct, and clear.

Actually, rather than “Final Thoughts,” I had initially wanted to call this last chapter “Final Thots,” to visually communicate the importance of brevity in language, but apparently there was a copyright conflict with a hip-hop song or something.

Still, I cannot stress enough the importance of clear, simple language. I am reminded of a fabled short story, often attributed to Ernest Hemingway, that reads as follows:

“For sale: baby shoes, never worn.”

There’s much that can be learned from studying this masterclass in word economy. The biggest lesson? Advertising should be about the customer, not yourself. In other words, if that advertisement were to instead read “Dead baby. Need money,” it wouldn’t be nearly as effective. Why? Because the customer doesn’t care about your stupid problems.

This is something that I learned on the campaign trail back in 2018. Do you think I would have won the election if I were to have gone out there and said, “Vote for me! I want some of that sweet, sweet lobbying money!”

Of course not! Instead, I came up with some claptrap about lower taxes and covered bridges.

When I (eventually) won my 2018 bid for the premiership, I remember thinking, man, I wish my mentor, Mr. K.C. Irving were here today, rather than in a cryogenic chamber in Southern Bermuda, so that he could see me finally reach my full potential.

Still, though he is no longer with us, I know that he would be proud of me. Just like those of you out there who have purchased this book. If you stuck through to the end, I, in a way, consider myself to be your mentor, and I want you all to know that I am proud of you.

Except for you, Brian Gallant. You can eat it.

The End.

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