Survey shows 0% of New Brunswickers offended by any coffee cup ever

Survey shows 0% of New Brunswickers offended by any coffee cup ever

Fredericton — Amid the swirling controversy surrounding the newly introduced all-red Starbucks cups that boldly omit all holiday theme, a closer look at Tim Hortons’ coffee cups is being made.

Their cups, which currently display an intricate hockey design, are said to offend absolutely no one. To determine whether these claims were true, The Manatee took to the streets to ask the public what they thought. We were able to catch up with several early-morning coffee drinkers in the drive-thru of the Prospect Street Tim Hortons location to ask them why they chose Tim Hortons over Starbucks. The most common answers are as follows:

• I didn’t even know we had a Starbucks
• Starbucks is awful
• Because we have a perfectly good Tim Hortons right here
• Why the hell are you standing outside of my car?

As the results seem to indicate, nobody really cares about the design on the cup. It appears that the average coffee drinker cares more about what’s inside the cup than what is on the outside, which is bad news for Starbucks, whose coffee is widely believed to be sub-par.

“I don’t understand the issue being made here,” Jeff Mason told us from his idling Civic. “Starbucks didn’t declare ‘War on Christmas,’ for God’s sake. All they did was make their cups red; everyone knows the Grinch is green — people have to get their facts straight.”

  1. The REAL offence is being told “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”. Everyone’s out to get the white Christians these days.


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