Davos — Wearing an Irving toque and ski goggles with yellow lenses, Premier Brian Gallant spoke to reporters this morning via Skype from Davos, Switzerland, finally breaking his silence on the economic disaster that has struck Sussex and its surrounding communities.
“I’m really upset about it closing,” the premier lamented, referring to the potash mine, “but there’s nothing I can do until it’s legal. I’m hoping Justin does that really soon, then everyone can get back to work.”
When asked what he meant by that comment, the premier seemed very irritated. “My god, do I have to spell out everything for you people? Pot. Hash. They’re still illegal in New Brunswick and Canada for that matter. I’ve been getting flack from world leaders all week about not going to Sussex. Let’s face it, I can’t help at the moment, or take any good selfies while I’m being arrested at a grow-op that employed more than 400 people.”
The premier did reassure reporters that the operation would reopen, and that it was very insightful of the province to have a commercial cannabis operation in place even before the laws were changed. “That’s what I keep trying to tell people over here. We’re innovators. But no one wants to listen to me.”
Gallant admitted the trip has pretty much been a bust. “No one will take me seriously. When I mention our softwood, they say ‘Irvings own that.’ Or when I bring up the refinery, they say the same thing. Heck, some leaders even think the Irvings own the government. I went back to my hotel room and checked my pay stub, but there’s no mention of Irving on it. I don’t know how that rumour got started.”
When quizzed further about the trip’s uselessness, the premier insisted there was some interest from at least one country. “Bermuda. I swear those guys won’t leave me alone. They keep telling me ‘Let the Irvings cut more softwood, give the Irvings more grants and government loans.’ I wouldn’t be surprised if it was them who started the rumour that Irving owns the government…”