Thousands of NBers reportedly suffering from post-traumatic snow disorder

New Brunswick — As the springtime sun begins to bear down upon the Maritimes, the first hints of grass start to reveal themselves. Ordinarily this is cause for celebration, but residents of New Brunswick have not let their guards down yet.

“The snow brush won’t leave my truck, and neither will the shovel in the back,” said Frederictonian Michael Scarn. He maintains that blizzards remain a very real threat even into the summer months. Scarn is not the only one to feel this way; in fact, psychology students at University of New Brunswick have begun to dub this snow-induced paranoia “post-traumatic snow disorder.”

“PTSD is evident predominately in people who don’t own snowblowers and who aren’t under contract by any plow drivers,” said Annie Peterson, the spokesperson for the project’s research team. “We believe the root cause to be excessive hours of shovelling, and we have new evidence to suggest there may in fact be frostbite to the brain.”

The symptoms of PTSD go beyond paranoia; reports of insomnia, loss of appetite and an inclination to move to Florida have also surfaced. Doctors are urging those affected to seek counsel, either with a professional or with close friends, to try and cope. Doctors are also reminding people that although Florida may seem appealing at first, Canadian beer is extremely hard to come across down there.

A press conference was held to discuss the issue, and UNB’s project spokesperson shared some word of encouragement. “Don’t trust a groundhog or its shadow — spring is just around the corner. The sun will come out tomorrow,” said Annie. “Bet your bottom dollar.”

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