New Brunswick — Two gigantic turbines are set to be immersed off the coast of Nova Scotia in just a few weeks’ time, harvesting — for the first time — the world’s strongest tides. Talk of similar operations in the Bay of Fundy along New Brunswick’s southern coast is raising concern for many who live in the area about the hidden risks the enormous turbines might pose to their pool noodles.
Capable of generating an estimated 400 gigawatts of energy, the massive turbines also possess the potential risk to suck up and destroy 30 to 40 stray pool noodles in a single day, ruining a perfectly good Saturday at your aunt’s cottage, sources say.
“It’s definitely a cause for concern,” said Alma resident Mitchell Holmes, who houses more than a dozen brightly coloured pool noodles at his bay-side property. “Some of these pool noodles have been in the family for years and as much as I care about the environment and sustainable energy, I’m not so certain about having my pool noodles sharing the same water as these behemoth-sized turbines. Anything could happen to them.”
“Before we go head-over-heels for what’s largely an untested source of energy,” said MLA and environment critic Brain Keirstead of the Progressive Conservatives, “I think we need to take a step back and allow researchers more time to study what could easily amount to a wasteful and tragic holocaust for our province’s treasured pool noodles. We have no idea what we’re dealing with.”
UNB environmental studies professor Laura Jenkins, however, has a different take on the matter. “As much as we all love pool noodles and rue the day any harm whatsoever should befall them, I think we need to get some perspective here. Pool noodles are just that — they’re for pools — and in a pool they stand little to no risk of getting damaged or destroyed by any ocean turbine.”