Moncton — After officials cut 200 lbs of locks off Moncton’s “love lock bridge” that connects the city with Dieppe, the world’s most popular travel guide company updated its information to call Moncton the world’s least romantic city.
“There were others in the running for least romantic, even in Canada,” said Lonely Planet editor Georgina Smith, “for example Winnipeg is pretty unromantic — but this whole love lock fiasco made it official.”
City of Moncton officials said the locks, which couples attached to Halls Creek pedestrian bridge to illustrate the permanence of their love, posed a safety threat and detracted from Moncton’s long-cultivated image of sterile industrialism and urban decay.
“The locks could potentially be unsafe… imagine this scenario: a couple breaks up, and later the girl goes back to the bridge with her new flame,” mused city employee Edna Jones, a stern-looking woman in an unflattering beige business suit. “The guy sees the old lock with his girlfriend’s and some other guy’s name written on it… he freaks out and threatens to kill the old boyfriend. See? It can only lead to unnecessary violence and aggression.”
Jones also said the superfluous lock bridge goes against everything Moncton stands for.
“In Moncton, we’re all about the bleak, grey skyline, run-down Chinese restaurants on every block, off-brand businesses, strip clubs, filthy sports bars, miserable-looking call centre buildings, muddy water, and bums asking you for money on every street corner. We’ve got the whole ‘functional but depressing’ vibe down pat.
“Actually, come to think of it, I don’t know how we avoided the title of ‘least romantic city’ until now,” she added.
Lonely Planet is known for its accurate, pithy descriptions of the globe’s hotspots. In its Exploring Atlantic Canada guidebook, Moncton now boasts a full paragraph rather than the single sentence it had previously occupied. The section reads:
“Come to Moncton, New Brunswick to be underwhelmed and overfed (on mediocre food). Experience the chilling wind and the… interesting locals. Come with your lover and experience the bright lights and ….ah, fuck it. It has to be the world’s least romantic city. Don’t bother.”