Canada — Recent media reports have suggested the Tim Hortons mobile app, used to order and pay for food and drinks, might be tracking customer locations at all times, in violation of Canadian privacy laws.
More damning still, the app found that the vast majority of its users get the bulk of their coffee from McDonald’s instead.
“Well duh,” said one customer, exiting a McDonald’s location with McCafé in hand. “It’s ‘dollar drink days’ here, not ‘steadily rising prices despite declining quality month.’
“It’s hard to stand by a company whose approach to sagging sales figures is to stick stale Froot Loops onto everything.”
Tim Hortons Chief Operating Officer Mike Hancock filmed a brief response to the controversy, outlining the company’s plan, moving forward.
“We’ve heard the complaints about the app, and have listened to your suggestions,” he told the audience. “This is why we’re now announcing a Froot Loops Dream version of the app. It’s more or less the same, but see — now all the icons are shaped like little Froot Loops.”
He showed off the improvements on his own phone, swiping enthusiastically.
“Ain’t that cute?”