Mount Carleton Provincial Park — Canada’s largest coffee chain has just become the highest as well after putting a shop atop Mount Carleton, the most elevated point in the Maritime provinces. A construction crew last week demolished the little lookout building that used to grace the rocky summit, and slapped a brand-spanking-new Tim Hortons there instead.
A Manatee reporter begrudgingly hiked to the mountaintop on Wednesday for an interview with a Tim Hortons representative, who for some reason refused to meet anywhere nearer to the ground. “We got the idea from the success of our ‘Three Peaks Columbian’ blend introduced in the spring,” said Roz Campbell, the proud Tims rep. “We thought that instead of just growing beans on mountain peaks, we should sell our coffee at high elevations as well. Why not?”
Campbell explained that foot traffic on Mount Carleton has been increasing over the past few years, and climbers began to represent a rare untapped market for the coffee giant. “It came to our attention that hikers might need that little extra boost at the top to help them descend the mountain quickly and efficiently. And customers in a hurry are loving our ‘climb-thru’ — they can get their double-double and Boston cream while precariously clinging to a cliff’s edge, and then keep right on going.”
Our reporter approached a lone hiker who was seated in the new coffee shop. “The fact that there was never a Tims anywhere in these mountains was the main thing stopping me from coming up here,” explained Tom Jeffries, 34. “I’m not what you’d call an active guy, but I can’t just not visit a new Tims, can I? What if they’ve got some weird new donut I’ve never tried? And I gotta tell ya, a shot of caffeine at this elevation makes for a pretty good high.”
Funding for the new Tim Hortons came directly from the provincial government, which hopes the shop will motivate New Brunswickers to get outside and get active. In addition, the Gallant government is touting the new Tims as an easy answer to the province’s unemployment crisis — anyone interested in working there can drop off an application at the mountaintop by the end of tomorrow.