Fredericton — As many New Brunswickers are figuring out how to get their masked kids safely back to school into their new classroom pods, provincial politicians are preoccupied by something completely different in their little bubble.
On Monday, Blaine Higgs called a provincial election during the pandemic state of emergency — a full two years earlier than the fixed election date.
During an all-party press conference this morning, reporters quizzically shouted “Why? Why God, why?” at the party leaders, but only received blank stares in return.
Then, when asked whose fault this is, every party leader pointed at each other with both hands like a Three Stooges movie, which David Coon punctuated by poking Kris Austin in the eyeballs.
The press conference took an interesting turn when each party leader was asked to state why an early election was necessary right now during a period of high anxiety and concern.
Higgs said, “Frankly I think I’ve been spoiled by this pandemic all-party committee. Honestly, I hate the Legislature and all of the stupid questions I have to answer. I’d rather be in a back-room running things like I used to before I got into politics.”
Vickers was visibly uncomfortable with the question. “Look, when the Liberals got their own ‘cranky old man’ to go up against Higgs, they expected big things really fast! This retirement gig has a ticking clock. If they don’t get back into power pronto, they’ll get another young handsome guy to boss around.”
Coon didn’t answer the question. He appeared to be chewing some kind of gummy candy and totally spaced out.
Austin started to answer when all three cranky boomer leaders cut him off yelling, “SHUT UP KID!”
There were reports of a guy who claimed to be the NDP leader talking at the back of the room. However, like Patrick Swayze in Ghost, he was completely invisible to most humans.