New Brunswick — In an unprecedented move, Trans-Canada Pipeline has announced a radical new approach to saving New Brunswick’s environment. The proposal changes the pipeline route so that the pipe will travel directly above several of New Brunswick’s lakes that are currently plagued with blue-green algae blooms.
“We at Trans-Canada Pipeline are very excited about working with New Brunswick’s environmental community to save the province’s lakes,” a company spokesperson said today. “We propose a series of tiny taps all along the route above these lakes. Anyone with a small boat will have the ability to approach the side of the pipe and release tiny amounts of oil into the lake directly on top of the algae blooms. Since there will be several taps over the affected lakes, oil can be targeted directly on top of the blooms.
“We are excited that we finally have an environmental agenda to our pipeline and can participate more fully in keeping New Brunswick beautiful and algae-bloom free.”
When questioned about whether the oil will have any effect on the blooms, the spokesperson replied, “Well, it can’t hurt. Nobody likes an algae bloom. People just want to swim in these lakes and an oil spill is pretty easy to spot… easier than these algae blooms, anyhow.”
Once the pipeline is over the lakes, it would be very easy to “burn off” the algae by igniting the oil that has been released. This has the added benefit of pre-cooking the fish that were killed by the algae/oil and you’ll be able to easily scoop them into your boat.