Fredericton — Lawyers and politicians are often compared to snakes, spiders and other unsavoury creatures, so local Fredericton man Terry Landers can be forgiven for his honest mistake.
At 1:22 p.m. Monday, the Fredericton police received an emergency call from a distraught Landers that a boa constrictor was spotted slithering around at the Conservative campaign rally. According to a police spokeswoman, Landers was extremely agitated and thought the snake was trying to give “forbidden fruit” to New Brunswickers.
When police arrived on the scene with the animal containment unit, they realized about halfway through cramming the creature into a cage to be brought to the NBSPCA that the “snake” was in fact Stephen Harper.
Landers has offered no apology for his mistake. “Can you blame me? He was speaking freakin’ Parseltongue!” he explained, astonished.
Prime Minister Harper brushed off the incident as “just another humorous campaign moment.” “HSSSSSSS SSSSSSIIIIIIII STAAAAAAAAA SSSSSIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSS,” quipped Harper to the onlookers after being let out of the cage. After erupting in laughter, the onlookers suddenly began a fevered chant of “Four more years! Four more years!”
Landers, eyes spiralling like a cartoon, added that Harper made some great points about health transfers in New Brunswick.
“He’s right, you know. We are spending tons of money on health transfers and it isn’t even helping us at all. That’s money that could be better spent on programs for seniors, pension management, and small crunchy birds and mice that taste absolutely delicious when swallowed whole.”