Archeologist with short-term memory loss discovers grass for first time

Sackville — Dr. Arthur McCloud, who met with The Manatee for the first time every day this week, has made a startling discovery. The Mount Allison University researcher has dedicated his life to unearthing the secrets of the past, and believes what he’s uncovered will forever change the way we view the earth.

“Underneath the thick crust of snow I’ve actually discovered that the ground is covered in a green weed that my colleague suggested I call ‘grass,’” said Dr. McCloud. “The discovery is significant because as far as I know I’m the first person to ever dig beneath the snow.”

Tragically, Dr. McCloud suffered brain damage in 2007 when a grand piano fell on top of him while it was being transported from a third-storey apartment. When asked about his accident, Dr. McCloud had this to say: “Underneath the thick crust of snow I’ve actually discovered that the ground is covered in a green weed that my colleague suggested I call ‘grass.’ The discovery is significant because as far as I know I’m the first person to ever dig beneath the snow.”

On positive note, Dr. McCloud’s discovery tells us that spring may in fact be upon us. The snowbanks continue to diminish as the weather warms up, though the threat of flooding looms. A Manatee reporter asked the doctor what his thoughts were on spring, and he assured us that, “Underneath the thick crust of snow I’ve actually discovered that the ground is covered in a green weed that my colleague suggested I call ‘grass.’ The discovery is significant because as far as I know I’m the first person to ever dig beneath the snow.”