Base Gagetown Amusement Park promises 'explosive' good time

Oromocto – Base Gagetown has announced it will go forward with hosting a family-friendly amusement park after years of planning and development.

“We’re absolutely excited at the prospects,” Base Commander Nathan Shepherd said during last night’s official press conference. “We’re always finding new ways to connect with both military and civilian families; I’m surprised it took so long for this plan to become a reality.”

Photo by Marko Drobnjakovic

Photo by Marko Drobnjakovic

Details of what is to be expected were sparse, although there was mention of a battle royale arena.

“We definitely took that idea from The Hunger Games,” quipped civilian operations manager Dave Whithers. When asked whether these battles would be to the death, Whithers declined to comment.

Construction is set to begin early 2015, with the first installment being a 60-foot roller coaster that takes riders through the barracks, the mess hall, and even the secret underground headquarters located under building D-35. Amusement park-goers who are feeling extra risqué can partake in real-life basic training, with real-life recruits.

It’s not all bright lights and pyrotechnics, though. Significant protest from the base gymnasium started up during the early planning stages of the park. “We’ll lose our best customers to roller coasters and fatty foods,” stated an anonymous employee.

There is also speculation that the amusement park is a desperate attempt for increased funding for the Canadian Armed Forces. Despite these murmurings, Shepherd is sure the park will be a bang for the public.

“We’re expecting roll-call numbers to be in the thousands. This is a great way to target all those living in the local and greater Base Gagetown area.”