BREAKING: Nova Scotia teachers taking Friday off

BREAKING: Nova Scotia teachers taking Friday off

Halifax — All 9,300 public school teachers in Nova Scotia are taking Friday off, to get some much-needed R&R after a stressful winter of contract negotiations.

“A two-day week — that’s gotta be a new record!” exclaimed Grade 9 teacher Greg Underhill, 33. “Granted, Monday and Tuesday were wasted shovelling, but on Friday you know I’m gonna make it Miller time alllll day, baby. And it’s supposed to storm again tonight, so we might even have a one-day week!”

Nova Scotia Teachers’ Union president Liette Doucet confirmed that the record for the shortest work week has been unbroken since 1969, when all teachers vacated the province to check out the legendary Woodstock Festival for the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of seeing Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and the Grateful Dead live.

“That was a little before my time, but it sounded epic,” said Doucet. “I might hold my own private Woodstock at home this weekend, though; a few of the teachers and I are in a band, and not to get ahead of myself, but I’ve been told our sound really channels Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. You’re welcome to come over. Bring your own tent.”

Some of Nova Scotia’s nerdier teachers plan to squander their Friday preparing lectures for upcoming classes.

“Jeez, not me!” said Grade 11 English teacher Nora McCluskey, 29. “This is so much better than just a casual Friday… I hate when I have to pay a toonie for the privilege of wearing my skinny jeans and a hoodie. But this Friday I swear to god I’m not taking off my pajama pants for one second. And I’m not getting up till noon. And I’m having a margarita for lunch. Hell yeah!”

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