Canadians admit they get all their news from memes

Canadians admit they get all their news from memes

Fredericton — Instead of pretending any longer, Canadians are collectively admitting that they don’t read the news, but actually receive all updates about local, national and international happenings solely from memes.

“Journalism is dead and memes are alive and well,” expressed Fredericton woman Georgette Winslow. “I think it was Pepe the Frog who said that.”

Especially where the upcoming election is concerned, Canadians are learning about candidate platforms and promises from a wide variety of memes.

“Memes are tough to regulate, so they’re everywhere — that’s where citizens get all their info these days,” said Elections Canada spokesperson Belinda MacQuarrie. “Probably because the news is so goddamned boring and long but memes are entertaining, and funny to boot. I can’t really blame people.

“Check this one out,” she laughed, handing her phone to our reporter. “It shows Trudeau on a bus and it says ‘Remember when I threw Jody Wilson-Raybould under a bus?’ Haha — now that’s classic! And it’s really all I need to know about the matter.”

Politicians are keen on memes, too.

“Memes aren’t just for the illiterate anymore — they’ve for everyone!” said Leader of the Conservative Party Andrew Scheer. “Seems like most of them are also just eviscerating Trudeau, too, so really they’re great all around!”

Members of the public say it’s pointless to fund news organizations or to try to figure out the truth about any issue, when a well-crafted meme really says it all.

“I just scroll through Facebook, see some dank memes, and then I kinda just…feel informed, y’know?” said Harry Allen of Halifax.

“I think if enough people are sharing it, that’s a sign that it’s probably a solid piece of news. Like I woulda never known Melania Trump had a thing for Trudeau if it weren’t for the ‘distracted boyfriend’ meme about it. And how would I know that Jagmeet Singh is 100 per cent Canadian, but Scheer’s only half Canadian without that meme?

“Or how would I know that Maxime Bernier never shuts up during a debate, without that ‘trumpet boy’ meme telling me so? I sure as hell wasn’t gonna watch the damn thing. Two hours of torture versus two seconds of amusement…not too tough a call.”

“I just don’t think you need to read or listen to a big ‘story’ to get the gist,” concurred Charlottetown local Mary Olsen, who also happens to be a reporter with CBC.

“Nowadays, it’s about being economical with words, and recycling photos, sharing them widely, without research, sources, explanations, or any of that crap.

“There’s nothing I can say that random people online haven’t made Grumpy Cat or Kermit the Frog say better.”

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