New Brunswick — Of course. Of course you’d do this to us, General Mills. You finally give us female representation on cereal boxes, and you put her on fucking Multi-Grain Cheerios???
I don’t know why I’m so surprised. Cereal is some of the most patriarchal, misogynist shit out there. Little girls have been forced to choke down grain (cardboard) in tiny flake, letters, or O forms for decades with nothing to stare at but chauvinists such as Tony the Tiger, Toucan Sam, Captain Crunch, or Snap, Crackle and Pop.
The first thing children see in the morning before their government-mandated public school is the cereal box in front of their faces while they try to wake up. Instead of receiving nutrition advice from a strong, independent woman, they have to stare at the empty, soulless eyes of near pedophilic characters such as “Sugar Bear” and “Tricks” the Trix rabbit, who spends all his time trying to trick children. Role model much?
All of the creepiness. All of it.
Now we have Cheerios partnering up with Toy Story 4 to put their three main characters on their three main cereals, and of course Buzz Fucking Lightyear gets Honey-Nut Cheerios. Woody the cowboy gets regular Cheerios, and Bo Peep gets, you guessed it, MULTI-GRAIN. Which no kid ever wants, and if your parents buy it for you, they don’t truly love you or care about your development. Cheerios should be THE female empowerment cereal, seeing as how the Os are clearly representative of our vaginas and reproductive systems.
I’m calling on feminists and allies everywhere to boycott General Mills cereal, and any other cereal with a male mascot. If you’re in the cereal aisle and you see a parent about to buy a box for their child, I implore you to approach them and educate them on how their choices will lead to a lifetime of internalized misogyny.
Here is a sample script to use:
“Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice your choice in breakfast cereal for your child. I’d like to take this opportunity to educate you on the repercussions your decision to purchase a cereal brand with a male mascot can have on your young one. I’m sure that you are a rational human who loves your kids, so I implore you to use your critical thinking skills for the next 10 minutes.”
This should give you a tactful, non-confrontational opening to change their minds and make them WOKE A. F.
If they don’t want to listen, put on your pussy hats and make. them. learn.