Charlottetown — Today marked the 58th and 59th messages area creep Lionel Gervais, 52, sent to the object of his unwanted affection, Samantha Colton, 31.
Gervais claims he just has “a good feeling” about that last in a long line of emojis, questions, statements and jokes he has sent Colton with absolutely no response of any kind.
“Sam is a good friend and I’m sure she must be busy or Facebook didn’t notify her or something,” said the middle-aged married man with 2 children. “But I think the 59th private message had just the right combination of wit and charm — it will be too tempting for her not to reply.”
The Manatee met up with Colton to get her take.
“Ugh, I met him at a food event in town; he was working at a booth and he kept leaving his station and walking closely behind me the whole evening,” she recalled with a shudder. “He’d make stupid jokes that I ‘must be following him’ or something, then he’d wink, which was just disgusting coming from a nasty old guy like that.
“He messaged a few times and I gave one-word answers to his dumb questions, just to be nice, but I stopped replying like 6 months ago,” elaborated Colton. “He makes my skin crawl. I haven’t blocked him because it’s such a small town that I’m sure I’ll run into him the next day. You know, it’s like when you say something bad about someone and then you turn around and they’re right there.”
Colton’s boyfriend, Andrew Smith, has offered to “deal with things” but they’re both hoping Gervais will just take the goddamned hint already.
“I told her that losers like that will cling to any kind of attention you give them,” said Smith, “and that I have no problem finding the guy and personally telling him off. Number 60 is the cutoff, I swear to god.”
Colton said Gervais has also tried emailing her with “unrelated” matters, like offering her part-time work at his catering company, or suggesting they meet up for some sort of professional event.
She also noted that, even if she were single and two decades older, she would not be interested in Gervais.
“The guy is illiterate, for one thing,” she said. “One of the messages was just ‘u think your to good for me?’ totally misspelled, with a gross winky emoji. I assume he thought that was smart and funny?
“Also, look at me, then look at him,” she went on, showing a picture of the podgy, pasty Gervais. “I mean, come on.”
At press time, the creep was huddled over his laptop crafting the 60th message to his prey, which was about how they should go for drinks and talk about why she hasn’t been keeping up her end of the conversation. “She must not have seen my last note,” he said with a shrug. “It’s all about persistence… she’ll give in one of these days.”