Darling calls on new masochists to run for Saint John mayor

Darling calls on new masochists to run for Saint John mayor

Saint John — As dusk falls on the mayorship of Don Darling, he is calling on new masochists to run to replace him as mayor of Saint John.

In a news conference this week, Darling said that the citizenry needs time to get to know the candidates before the May 10 election so the time to step forward is now.

“You can’t expect someone to discover the perfect way to badger and harass you overnight,” he said. “People need time to get time to get to know exactly how to push your buttons in the worst possible way if you really want to have an awful experience starting day one.

“Who’s the perfect person to run for mayor?” he asked. “That’s tough to answer, but it has to start with a love of Saint John with all of its glories and imperfections. Also, an absolute disdain for happiness in any form. If living a life devoid of joy and peace is what you want for yourself and your family, have I got the job for you!”

When asked to describe a day in the life of the Port City mayor, he laughed and said no two days are ever the same. “I’m not going to lie, there are days when it’s an awful job,” he confided. “But, there are those days when its just a horrible waking nightmare beyond any possible description. Those are the times when an almost perverse capacity for self-loathing gets you through the day.”

Darling said he is certain that he will not run for mayor again. “Honestly, I’m maxed out on my prescriptions, I can’t take much more,” he said. “There’s masochistic, and then there’s just plain crazy. I’m not crazy enough to do this again.

“But you know what they say — don’t be sad that it’s over, be happy that it happened.”

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