Donald Arseneault stops wearing pants

Donald Arseneault stops wearing pants

Fredericton — In a surprising — but not that surprising — turn of events, former deputy premier Donald Arseneault has abandoned the conventional practice of wearing pants.

On Wednesday, Arseneault said that now that he’s no longer in cabinet, he feels that he should be less constrained — especially on his bottom half.

“There’s no rule that explicitly says that Donnie has to wear pants, is there?” asked Arseneault with a straight face. “If you can’t show Donnie a rule that says it’s not allowed, then decorum can kiss Donnie’s boxer-covered ass.”

The former minister was under fire last week for exploiting a loophole in the conflict of interest legislation. After being shuffled out of cabinet in September, Arseneault took a second job lobbying government while still acting as an elected member of the New Brunswick Legislative Assembly.

The speaker and sergeant-at-arms seem to be flummoxed by Arseneault’s recent trouser abandonment. “Once again, Mr. Arseneault has shown that if something isn’t explicitly written down as a rule, it becomes a loophole that a person without shame is capable of exploiting,” acknowledged the speaker, shaking his head. “This is the reason that takeout coffee has a ‘hot’ warning on it, if you follow me.”

Arseneault has no regrets about his new pants stance. “What does Donnie think of everyone giving him a hard time over this? Donnie doesn’t give an eff, that’s what! You know, some people are saying that Donnie is acting like a huge cry-baby pissy pants because he was shuffled out of cabinet…”

“Yes, but… ?” pressed The Manatee reporter.

“No, that’s it,” Arsenault concluded. “Some people are saying it, that’s all.”

Share your thoughts. We reserve the right to remove comments.