Halifax — A Nova Scotia fertility clinic is offering women the chance to freeze their eggs until sometime in the future, when, hopefully, the world won’t be the smouldering hellscape it is now.
“Obviously, the idea of having and raising a kid in today’s world is just ludicrous,” said Andrea Perkins, owner of Facilitated Fertility, Nova Scotia’s only fertility clinic.
“What with global warming, pollution, war, Donald Trump, Wexit, natural disasters, cancer, poverty, racism, mass shootings, Twitter, The Big Bang Theory — I can admit that life on Earth is absolute crap. What is there left for our children? But I’m an optimist and I think that somehow, some way, we might turn this thing around before it’s too late. So freeze your eggs and cross your fingers!”
Although a woman’s ability to conceive naturally declines sharply after age 35, women are waiting longer than ever to have their first child, and are having fewer children in general.
“Well yeah, look around you,” said 34-year-old Jessica Evers. “The planet isn’t exactly kid-friendly at this point. What are they going to drink when we deplete the water supply…Gatorade? Are they just going to have to adapt to eating only pesticides?
“But hey, I’m fine with using my meagre life savings to freeze my eggs just for the hell of it. I’m pretty sure the world will end before I get to retirement age anyway, so I probably won’t need the cash.”
The cost is steep: one cycle of egg-freezing is more than $8,000.
“If you can afford to freeze your eggs, you’re most likely rich, which means you’re far more likely than the average woman to view the Earth as a good place and to see benefits to procreating,” Perkins explained. “You’re more likely to have hope for the future if you also have money, in other words. Funny how that works.”