Fredericton Beer Run combines two formerly enjoyable pastimes into one terrible afternoon

Fredericton — Are you tired of drinking with your friends in the comfort of your home, and going running solo for exercise and overall wellbeing? Well, New Brunswick’s capital is now offering countless options for you! There’s the Fredericton Beer Run, followed shortly thereafter by the Fredericton Wine Run, the “Gin Gallop,” “Rum Race,” “Tequila Takeoff,” “Smirnoff Scurry, “Daiquiri Dash,” “Meade for Speed,” “Brandy Bolt” and, last but not least, the “Moonshine Meander.”

Event organizers are asking Frederictonians one question: why drink with your friends in a pub when you can drink with strangers while drenched in your own sweat?

beerrun“Finally, an opportunity to compete with a bunch of people I don’t know, guzzle down a couple of beers while mopping the sweat from my brow, and pay $60 doing it!” gushed a relieved Francis Medley of Nashwaaksis. “Normally I just buy a 6-pack of Moosehead and relax on my couch on Saturdays, but this is a rare excuse to spend money and feel awkward in front of people who are more athletic than I am.”

The “running and drinking” hobby is taking off in Fredericton, making these opportunities more common all the time. Marathon runners are thankful they’ve now got a way to cancel out the health benefits of cardiovascular activity with the health detriments of drinking. “My friends were saying I was starting to get too fit,” said longtime runner Keith McGraw of Devon. “They chipped in and got me tickets to all the booze runs around town so I can stop showing them up all the time. I’ll be the only marathoner with a beer gut,” he added with a chuckle.

Shelly McGee, 27, of Hanwell said she loves getting dressed up, doing her hair and nails, and enjoying cocktails at a nice bar on weekends. “But this might be even better,” she told our reporter. “At the very least it’ll give me a chance to test out my new sweat-proof makeup … I guess I’ll just leave a change of clothes at the bar so I don’t have to smell while trying to chat up some guy.”

Our reporter pointed out to McGee that it sounded like she just wants to drink, and doesn’t want to have to pay to go running first. “On a typical weekend night I’ll spend $60 anyway,” she said, trying to convince herself as much as the reporter. “Granted, that can normally get me 5 drinks, entrance to 3 bars, a couple of live shows and a shawarma at Chez Riz on the way home, but this event is so popular that it must be worth it… right?”

Bar staff are having mixed feelings along with their mixed drinks. “As much as the extra business will be nice, it will be annoying as heck to have a huge horde of stinky, sweaty people in here bragging about their mileage and time,” said a King Street Ale House employee who wished to remain anonymous.

One Fredericton man, Neil Dugan, 29, said the sudden onslaught of these types of events will do nothing to change his weekend plans. “Screw that!” he exclaimed. “I’m going to go running when I wake up in the morning like I always do, shower, and have a party that night with people I actually like, for a cost of maybe $20. Let me know if you want to come over to my place instead.”

Get your tickets to the Fredericton Beer Run on, or find Neil Dugan on Facebook.

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