Fredericton doubles down on blaming cyclists for all city’s problems

Fredericton doubles down on blaming cyclists for all city’s problems

Fredericton — The “green” capital city has yet another reason to complain about cyclists after one bowled down a man walking on a city trail last week. This uncommon incident provided just the opportunity city motorists needed to take to social media to air their many grievances about the spandex-clad, tight-assed athletes.

“Cyclists don’t belong on the roads; you can never tell if they’re going to swerve in front of you!” said Troy Henson, 61. “Now they don’t belong on the sidewalks or trails, either! They aren’t paying road taxes like the rest of us, and they’re just a menace!”

Henson and many like him conveniently forget that cyclists do indeed pay taxes like everyone else, that bikes don’t cause “wear and tear” on pavement anyway, and that’s it’s against the law for cyclists to bike on sidewalks. But that doesn’t stop Fredericton motorists from doing everything in their ability to ensure cyclists feel unwelcome on the roads.

“I’ve been lobbying city council to force cyclists to pay for insurance just like the rest of us. What happens if one of them road bikes crashes into my truck?” demanded Joanne Northrup.

Many cyclists claim that common issues they face include vehicles giving them no space on roads with no bike lanes, and gaggles of slow walkers taking up the entire width of the walking trail.

“I don’t get where the hate comes from — I bike by the rules, I’m not swerving in and out of traffic…what gives?” said cyclist Gwen O’Neil.

“Is it the spandex? I don’t see how anyone could hate my spandex. It’s the spandex, isn’t it?”

Fredericton’s city engineer Matt Inglewood chalks the anger from drivers up to the “hate pyramid” of Fredericton transportation.

“Cars hate cyclists, they’re never sure if a biker will lurch in front of them without warning. Cyclists hate pedestrians for the same reason,” explained Inglewood. “For the same reason, pedestrians hate cars. It’s all about who is most likely to act unpredictably.”

Inglewood added the the hate pyramid can easily be reversed.

“Actually, when you think about it, in Fredericton everyone just hates each other no matter what mode of transportation you use. Taxi, bus, bike, scooter — we all hate everything. It really brings us together as a community.”

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