Fredericton — With the flip of the calendar it’s 2019 and while many resolutions will be abandoned in short time, one Fredericton man insists this year will be different — this will be the year he actually loses the weight and stops hating himself for good.
“No more carbs, no more sugar, no more fatty, disgusting foods for me,” posted William Connor on Facebook.
Connor’s post went on to admit that he’s made similar claims each of the last seven Januarys, but that this time is different — it won’t be a diet, but a lifestyle.
“This time I’m motivated. This time I’m ready for change. This time I’m going to be the change. This time I won’t give in to my cravings. I won’t give in to the delicious smell of McDonald’s or the alluring look of chicken being tossed in a mix of seven secret herbs and spices. This time I’m going all in and getting what I want — what I deserve in life. This time I’ll come out not disappointed and defeated by my own desires but victorious with my new body and my new soul.”
The Manatee spoke with friends of Connor who were less than confident in his ability to stick with his resolution.
“Old Willy does this same thing every year and always comes out with the same result — still being fat,” responded longtime friend Kyle Nash. “Look, I love the guy either way, I just don’t know why he does this to himself. He builds this diet way up and convinces himself that it’ll be different. And every single time, without fail, he caves and ends up putting on even more weight than before.”
Our reporter asked Connor if he would be referring to the updated Canada Food Guide while making his dietary choices.
“No, why in the world would I do that?” he replied, as if it were a stupid question. “Nobody looks at that thing when making healthy choices; they get better, more accurate information from more reliable sources — like what’s trending and whatnot. Is being gluten-free still cool, do you know?”
Connor ended his Facebook post — which at press time had three likes and one laughing reaction — by letting the world know that he plans on starting his new lifestyle this coming Monday, or maybe after the Super Bowl next month.