Fredericton now boasts two yoga instructors for every regular resident

Fredericton now boasts two yoga instructors for every regular resident

Fredericton — As of today, New Brunswick’s capital has twice as many yoga teachers as regular people.

“Everybody wants to be a yoga instructor. It seems like every day I see at least one Facebook post by some girl saying she’s finally certified and can begin practising yoga full-time,” said Frederictonian Evan McGowan.

“Just walk around downtown and you’ll see people on every street corner toting their yoga mats with those little carrying straps that hook on each end. They’re always in their hundred-dollar Lululemon pants, carrying a clear water bottle with ‘detox’ tea in it, walking with purpose to Moksha or Nirvana or any of the dozens of other overpriced spots to stretch within a four-block radius.

“The city is overrun with them!”

Although you could throw a rock from anywhere in the city and hit two yoga instructors, many believe there still aren’t enough of them around.

“There are so many types of yoga that there will always be a need for more teachers,” defended yogi Rachel Barnes, who leads a ‘yoga for dummies’ class at the Y. “There’s hatha yoga, vinyasa yoga, inyengar yoga, ashtanga yoga, bikram yoga, kundalini yoga, yin yoga, restorative yoga, and of course hot yoga — that one’s amazing for expelling your toxins while surrounded by other sweaty, stinky, farting people in a closed room with no ventilation.”

Because there are now so many yoga teachers, more and more yoga events are cropping up across the city.

“There are beer and yoga events, wine and yoga nights, yoga by the lighthouse, yoga on paddleboards, yoga and music events, candlelit yoga, yoga for toddlers, yoga for pets, and even ‘snoga’ which is yoga in the snow,” listed yogi Beth Wildeman, who met her husband Drew at a ‘yoga for singles’ event.

“That’s right, and each of these are necessary, and important, and very serious,” added Drew, who claims that yoga “saved his life” but could not elaborate on what that meant. He recently became a certified yoga instructor as well, and has been holding classes in the couple’s backyard where he refuses to wear anythign but Spandex shorts even in winter.

Even low-income Frederictonians can take part in yoga, by watching YouTube videos and doing it at home.

“But that’s really not what yoga is about,” said Gina Horton, while taking a selfie in sheer yoga pants and sports bra, in downward dog, making sure to place her green smoothie inconspicuously in the background, then posting the pic with the hashtags #mindful, #spiritual, #yogi, #balance and #enlightenment.

“Of course it’s about mindfulness, and spirituality, and meditation and stuff like that. But if you just do yoga for free at home you’re not really a yogi, if you ask me. You need to be seen, and be certified.”

Horton then lay down on her mat, and a thoughtful expression came over her face.

“It’s an age-old question…If a yogi practises and no one is there to see it, did she even vinyasa at all?…Food for thought.”

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