Fredericton — The Fredericton Police Force is overjoyed that city council has approved a $115,000 deal for new body cameras and audiovisual software for their officers and interview rooms. The force intends to use the equipment to record things going awry during their day-to-day work, and create popular videos from the footage.
“We need to stay relevant in today’s digital world, and these days everyone is all about ‘epic fails,'” said Police Chief Leanne Fitch, a self-styled “social media guru.”
“If the police are always on the public’s minds, then obviously the public will always be abiding by the law. What better way to do that than by creating viral videos?” explained Fitch. “And as a nice bonus, any ad revenue we make from our videos on YouTube will go toward the purchase of another armoured car and a staff pizza party!”
The Fredericton Police is hiring 13-year-old Timmy Watson to edit the videos into funny compilations set to music, and upload them to the force’s new YouTube channel.
“Timmy has been editing popular fail videos on his own YouTube channel, you might have seen them — like his little brother falling down the stairs and breaking a leg (‘Epic Brother Stairs Fail 2017’) or his parents yelling at each other (‘Epic Marriage Fail 2’),” said Fitch.
Fitch eagerly showed The Manatee a whiteboard with video ideas the force would be aiming to capture during their daily patrols, which include, among others:
- EPIC Tasing Fail Compilation 2018
- Hilarious Speeding Ticket Freak-Out
- Bilingual Service FAIL 2018
- Peaceful Protest Epic Cringe Compilation
- “I KNOW MY RIGHTS” Dubstep Remix
Not all members of the public are enthusiastic about the force’s plans, however.
“I love a stupid fail video as much as the next guy, but shouldn’t our police be doing more important things, such as stopping break-ins, or arresting criminals? Won’t they just be trying to perform and look cool for the cameras instead of doing their job?” asked James Robichaud, a concerned civilian.
Martha McQuade is another Fredericton resident who isn’t keen on the idea of the police using the footage for entertainment purposes. “Their job is to serve and protect the people of Fredericton, not to record us to laugh at later. I went to the station to complain about it all, but they pulled out a camera and started filming me the second I walked in!” said McQuade.
“I told them I didn’t want to be recorded, and the officer with the camera asked me to repeat it, and try to scream and cry while doing so. What the hell is wrong with them?”
Despite criticisms, the police intend to go ahead with their video compilation idea as planned. The force advises the public that they have no choice whether they are filmed or not, so they might as well make the best of it and put on a good show for the cameras.
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