Fredericton to move Tim Hortons to traffic circle, keep all bad drivers in one spot

Fredericton to move Tim Hortons to traffic circle, keep all bad drivers in one spot

Fredericton — Fredericton City Council approved an emergency measure last night to move the Regent Street Tim Hortons location to the city’s new traffic circle, in an effort to improve overall traffic safety in the city.

“Our team feels the two problems will balance each other out,” said city traffic engineer Darren Charters. “The Tim Hortons line slows traffic to a crawl, which will greatly reduce the number of fender-benders in the area. And with so many cars in the lineup, there will be no questions what direction drivers should go. Not to mention, by the time you finish your first coffee, you’ll be in a position to swing past the drive-thru window again.”

Transportation committee chair John MacDermid says the decision was unanimous at council. “Really, it’s a no-brainer,” he said. “We can eliminate two major traffic concerns by concentrating all of Fredericton’s worst drivers in the one area. That means the rest of the roads should be much, much safer for all the normal drivers out there.”

Fredericton Tourism also hailed the move as a potential marketing opportunity, unveiling plans for a new viewing platform overlooking Canada’s only Tim Hortons traffic circle.

“People across Canada are already shaking their heads at the fact that people here can’t navigate a simple traffic circle,” said Fredericton Tourism’s Dave Seabrook. “And then less than a week later, we make national ‘offbeat’ news again for our drivers who would risk a $172 fine for the sake of a double-double. We may as well capitalize on the publicity we’re getting.”

  1. Sometimes the posts on here are just *too* believable.

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