Rockwood Park — A question that has plagued Canadian anthropologists for at least a few minutes or so has finally been answered. The jury is no longer out on the issue of our ancient ancestors’ diet and employment status here in New Brunswick.
A tourist from Newfoundland just uncovered what appears to be an ancient coupon for Robin Hood flour in Saint John’s Harbell’s Cave late Monday afternoon. Stewart Cromwell discovered the document, which was seemingly made from birch bark, moss, and using human blood as ink. The ancient coupon also appears to be only redeemable at participating SaveEasy grocery stores, and must be used before the Stone Age period.
Followers of the popular Paleo diet, sometimes referred to as the “caveman diet,” might be shocked to learn our ancestors prepared various meals (including gluten-rich Paleo-pancakes) using refined-carbohydrate white flour as a staple. This without a doubt confirms Palaeolithic man (and woman) in the New Brunswick region, much like their successors, ate a diet rich in processed flour and were most likely without work.
Upon further inspection of the cave, researchers found a half-finished unemployment report chiselled into one of the walls, as well as a recipe booklet for the following easy-to-prepare dishes:
- Pangaea-potato poppers
- Saber-tooth sorbet (gluten-free)
- Ice Age iced tea
- Lasagna