Friends of couple on Facebook can’t handle even one more lovey-dovey status

Saint John – According to sources, friends of recent “Facebook official” couple Amanda Ryker, 28, and Geoff Green, 27, have had enough of the duo’s online presence, and are calling for action from the social-media community.

The couple met at Ryker’s work Christmas party at Peppers Pub in early December 2013. From that fateful night they started texting, then meeting for coffee once or twice a week, and finally began dating in February 2014.

“They started seeing each other at the worst possible time for us on Facebook,” lamented John Kehoe, mutual friend. “They weren’t official, but they were already causing quite a headache. About a week before Valentine’s Day they’d post stuff like ‘Wonder what my babe’s getting me for V-day???’ with 3 question marks and several smiley faces and hearts. It was pretty lame.”

Sarah King, another friend of both Ryker and Green, echoed Kehoe’s sentiments. “Oh yeah, they’re nauseating,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Every single day since, like, January they’ve  been posting crap about how great the other one is, how in love they are, et cetera. Just today Amanda’s status was something like ‘I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have found such a perfect man. Love you, Geoffrey-bear, xoxoxox.’ Like, seriously, no one gives a shit.”

To make matters worse, as of Monday of last week, the couple became “Facebook official.”

“When they made it official on Facebook, I knew we had to do something to shut it down before it got even more out of hand,” said Kehoe. “Amanda posted about how she never met someone who ‘really gets her’ like Geoff does, and Geoff commented something stupid like ‘Love u more than anything, baby. You make me incredibly happy every single day. Can’t wait to see what the future holds!’ I almost puked on the spot.”

“I think they got maybe 75 ‘likes’ on their ‘In a relationship’ status change, which just encouraged them even more,” King explained mournfully. “So what I’ve done is, I’ve privately messaged every single Facebook friend of both of them. Everyone’s unanimously agreed that next time one of them puts up some cheesy romantic status about the other, a gross selfie of them in bed in the morning, tags the other one in a status that’s just a heart — anything like that — we’re just going to delete them. Hopefully they’ll see how annoying they are and just keep their love to themselves.”

At press time, the couple had just updated their relationship status to “Engaged.”



  1. HAHA… Lol.. Loved it.. 🙂

  2. You think it’s bad now? Wait till they get pregnant, or worse: bring home a puppy. Facebook SO needs an UNLIKE button.

    • “They get pregnant”? Must be something new as I thought that they were male and female. How the hell does a male get pregnant? Just because a guy is fat does not indicate pregnancy.


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