Fredericton — The flood waters are slowly receding in New Brunswick, but Premier Brian Gallant’s modelling career is quickly taking off.
The premier has been spending 45-minute increments — or a full day’s work for any government employee — filling sandbags and helping evacuate homes during the monumental flood of 2018. He has also been posting shirtless pictures of himself on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram in which he’s flexing next to evacuees or staring seductively into the camera while “helping” several other men lift a couch. He’s been using the distasteful hashtags #rippedrelief, #fitflood, #hotwater, and #abs4adversity.
“I figure this whole flood situation will boost both my political career and my new modelling one,” he told this Manatee reporter while pretending to hoist a bureau from a flooded Saint John basement as his aide snapped pictures. “All those long hours at the gym over the years have been preparing me for this…
“–You’re on my bad side! I wasn’t even ready for that one!” he suddenly screamed at his assistant. “Here, get me squatting down to lift this kid out of the water, but make it look candid. Get a closeup on my thighs, too. God, what do I even pay you for?”
Thirty-six-year-old Gallant said with the uptick in natural disasters these days, there’s a new market opening up for this specialized form of modelling. “Companies want fit young guys such as a myself to demonstrate how to, say, assess flood areas, while wearing the latest trends from J.Crew. To help out while representing their brand. It makes everyone look good!”
Indeed, some of the photos have depicted a dapper Gallant sporting business-casual wear from Robert Simmonds and RW&CO — while bailing water or meeting with mayors of flooded municipalities.
“I’m still waiting for the photos to be picked up by a major agency, but for now I’m starting to build an online presence in the modelling community, develop my portfolio. You know, get my name out there.”
Gallant said disaster relief — and looking hot doing it — is his passion.
“I’ve always been a ‘get shit done’ kinda guy; I’m not all talk like some people,” he said scornfully of Blaine Higgs, the Conservative Leader of the Opposition. “And by the way, have you noticed that he’s nowhere to be found? He’s afraid to get his hands dirty it seems. Or maybe he just doesn’t want pictures of his pasty gut next to my rock-hard abs,” Gallant laughed, running a muddy hand over his belly.
Sixty-four-year-old Higgs, who has been feeling sick lately and thus hasn’t been in the political limelight, told us that Gallant’s obvious ploys for attention won’t hold up during election season, and come Sept. 24, New Brunswickers will vote out the young egomaniac.
“I guess it’s cough good he’s got this modelling thing cough to sorta cough you know, fall back on,” Higgs croaked. “I think he cough used to be a lawyer but he’s got no brains cough at all, so that’s out. If I make it till fall, he doesn’t cough stand a chance.”