New Brunswick — In an effort to encourage more New Brunswickers to get vaccinated against COVID-19, the Government of New Brunswick announced today that for the rest of the summer anyone who has proof of having received two doses of the COVID-19 vaccine will not have to abide by the perpetual burn bans that seem to be put in place every nice weekend.
Now, if you’re having a fire in a no-burn zone and some do-gooder tattles on you, you need only present your proof of vaccination to whatever enforcement officer comes to tell you off, and they will leave you alone.
“Most weekends when you’re camping or drinking in New Brunswick, there’s a burn ban, even if it rained earlier in the day,” said GNB spokesperson Gordon MacTavish. “It really sucks because almost any activity is massively improved by having a fire: barbecuing, tenting, having drinks, gender reveals, and so on.”
MacTavish said that part of the problem is that a burn ban will be announced on a Friday afternoon, then not updated until Sunday afternoon even if it rains Friday night, leaving everyone who was hoping to have a good time Saturday with their plans ruined.
With over 75% of New Brunswickers having received their first dose of a COVID-19 vaccine, GNB is coming up with new initiatives to get the province fully vaccinated. The new burn ban immunity is expected to increase the number of people booking vaccination appointments because any New Brunswicker can relate to the frustration of having their weekend plans ruined by the all-red map of the province.
“We hope this new rule will incentivize any people experience vaccine hesitancy or who just really hate burn bans,” said Dr. Jennifer Russell during a COVID-19 update.
“Just last weekend I was camping in New River Beach, and even though it was foggy and damp, for some reason we weren’t allowed to have a fire. I know every New Brunswicker can relate to this, so we’re very excited about this new incentive!”
It appears that Public Health did not consult the Department of Natural Resources, however, as their spokesperson expressed much concern over the announcement.
“These burn bans are in place for a reason! Sure, we’re lazy about updating them over the weekends, but better safe than sorry!” said Larry Mazerolle of Natural Resources.
“We put out hundreds of forest fires every year, and the vaccine isn’t going to make them magically go away! It’s usually some idiot with gasoline who burns his house down in Zealand and it spreads everywhere. Trust me, he’s never going to get the vaccine anyway, OR listen to the burn bans.”