Edmundston — After months of deliberating how to open up the border with Quebec, Premier Blaine Higgs announced a surprise initiative this week to establish a “glory hole” at the border. This comes on the heels of the British Columbia’s Centre for Disease Control’s recommendation to try glory holes as a “safer” alternative to face-to-face sexual contact.
“After exploring our options,” Higgs explained at the unveiling just outside of the Quebec border, “we determined that this was the safest and most cost-effective option for establishing personal contact with Quebec.
“With this, people will be able to schedule meeting times and use the hole to interact with their friends, family and children on the other side of the border.”
It wasn’t long before the press realized that the premier had not fully grasped the sexual connotation of the setup.
“Sorry,” said a CBC reporter, interjecting. “But do you actually know what a ‘glory hole’ is?”
“Of course I do!” he said, looking affronted. “It’s a small spherical hole in a wall or surface to facilitate human contact. I had assumed the name had some religious origin, but I’ll admit I didn’t look into it too closely. After all, I’m a government official, not a gynecologist.”
“Etymologist,” an aid corrected.
“Precisely,” said Higgs, with a nod of his head.
Then, without further ado, they removed the plastic covering to reveal a large piece of plywood fastened between two poles. There, in the direct centre, was a small hole about five inches in diameter. Patting the wall affectionately, Higgs explained that François Legault, the premier of Quebec, was standing on the other side.
“Now, for the first meaningful connection with Quebec since the quarantine began,” he said, kneeling down and sticking his face next to the hole.
“Hellooooo!” he said, forming the vowel with his mouth wide open.