Homeopathic remedies touted as good alternative to raising kids

Homeopathic remedies touted as good alternative to raising kids

Atlantic Canada — The misinformation on vaccines is reaching a crisis point in Canada, with doctors urging people to use their brains and vaccinate their kids to stop the spread of deadly diseases like measles, mumps, whooping cough, rubella and polio.

At the same time, doctors are admitting that homeopathy can be a solid alternative to having and raising children.

“These diseases are totally preventable,” said pediatrician Dr. Connie MacPherson. “For some reason people are exploring ‘alternatives’ to vaccinations, even though no alternative is necessary. There are plenty of products on the market now that call themselves an alternative to vaccines; now, any thinking person can tell you that these placebos should definitely not be licensed by Health Canada.

“But, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get it. Not everyone should have kids — the world is an overpopulated hellscape…I mean, look around! But everyone is having a bunch of kids nonetheless. If you want to give your children fake medicine, be my guest. I’m retiring in a year so I’m pretty much checked out, at this point.”

Many of these medicinal alternatives claim to treat a variety of illnesses in children.

Raine Moontree, 34, a crazy person residing in Moncton, creates homeopathic remedies in her basement in her ample free time.

“I make medicine as an alternative to working, and these medicines are an alternative to vaccines, so it’s really just come full circle for me,” she explained, stirring some green food colouring into a bucket of dirty water she got out of a nearby ditch. “I buy the food colouring at Sobeys, then I bottle my remedy and sell it back to Sobeys. I feel like this is just how health care was meant to be. It’s all natural.

“It’s a hell of a lot cheaper, too. Think how much it costs parents as well as society in general to raise a child all the way to adulthood! I’ll admit that these ditch-water-based products are utterly useless, but it will save you money and time in the long run. That’s a Moontree guarantee.”

Parents buying the fake remedies agree.

“Kids are expensive,” said mother of three critically ill children Rebecca MacKnight. “These water-based homeopathic ‘remedies’ in a bottle are cheap. You do the math.”

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