J.D. Irving, Ltd. says illegal dump site actually surprise art installation

Parkindale — Saying the company didn’t want to blow the surprise, J.D. Irving, Ltd. spokesperson Mary Keith clarified this afternoon that the 15,000 Styrofoam crates and the dozens of barrels full of toxic-looking mystery goo dumped illegally in Parkindale, near Elgin, were part of a secret art installation.

“Artists have always been rebellious, and are known to think and act a little ‘outside of the box,’ if you will,” said Keith. “We’ve been planning this project for months now and dumping what could, admittedly, to the untrained eye appear as mountains of trash to form the greatest art installation this province has ever seen.

“We merely wanted to give something back to New Brunswick after taking so, so much for so, so many years.”

Unfortunately for JDI, a Parkindale resident found the pile of trash last week, took photos and alerted the public as well as the Department of Environment. Pictures of the dump surfaced on social media, under the hashtags: #dumpcityNB #cleanupNB #isthisart #thepremierneedstomeetwithArtsNB #thatswhyimwithJDI.

“I don’t think JDI intended for it to be ‘found art,'” said an Environment spokesperson, “but we found it, fined them, and now they’re acting like since it’s ‘art,’ it has a right to be there, polluting the earth. Evil friggin’ Irvings.”

“It’s sort of an ironic comment on nature and the environment in today’s consumer age,” justified Keith. “Obviously, New Brunswickers simply aren’t cultured enough to grasp its meaning. Everyone knows that the Irvings have always been dedicated purveyors of the arts in an aesthetically starved province.”

Since they are clearly never going to pay a fine, the province has asked JDI to, at minimum, place a red velvet rope around the exhibit with a sign reading “art installation” so that people will contemplate the toxic pile’s significance rather than complain about its effect on the environment.

“We cannot make any definitive comments about a velvet rope at this time,” said Keith, “but we will probably consider looking into whether it’s in the budget.”