Life ‘impossible’ during pandemic without housekeeper: rich, childless jackass

Life ‘impossible’ during pandemic without housekeeper: rich, childless jackass

Fredericton — Local rich showboat and obnoxious jackass Tim Rogers has been complaining to anyone who will listen about how difficult life has become since having to lay off his housekeeper due to COVID-19 concerns.

“The mansion is a mess,” the single, childless Rogers complained to one of his employees, a busy working-from-home mother of four via Zoom. “How am I supposed to nap without fresh sheets every day?”

“And you know what else is really tough right now?” the socially unaware moron asked the delivery driver who risked his life just to bring the blowhard his surf ‘n’ turf. “My live-in chefs travelled to Italy for more training just before the pandemic hit Canada, so now they’re stuck in isolation in the Italian villa that I rented to them. Am I honestly expected to do my own cooking now?

“I just don’t know how long I can live like this,” whined the asshole to his nearby neighbour, an exhausted ER nurse, while sipping his 50-year-old Scotch whisky on his oversized wraparound veranda overlooking the river.

Store clerks have also had to listen to Rogers complain about these “trying times.”

“He went on about losing millions in the stock market as I sanitized his shopping cart for him,” stated Sarah Brown, a Sobeys employee making minimum wage with no rest breaks. “He told me he still has enough savings to live comfortably for the rest of his life should his company go bankrupt, but he may have to cut back on his frequent vacations to Bora Bora and the South of France if that happens.”

Fellow golf club member Mike Quinn, who is in the ICU suffering from COVID-19, was unfortunately not exempt from hearing the out-of-touch douchebag complain about the pandemic.

“He called me here in the hospital and cried that life wasn’t worth living without golf,” wheezed Quinn while gasping for air. “He’s pretty mad that they won’t let him onsite even for socially distant rounds with his golf partners.”

At press time, Rogers was racing his Maserati convertible down Highway 2 while on a call with Mario’s Pool and Spa, who explained they were having trouble sourcing Jacuzzi chemicals during the global crisis.

“How the hell will I drink my morning mimosas without my daily hot-tub soak?!” yelled the arrogant Rogers, almost veering into a local cyclist who just wanted some fresh air and a break from online ass-hats.

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