Local man donates $75,000 to Ontario dumpster fire

Local man donates $75,000 to Ontario dumpster fire

Salisbury — A local man has confirmed that he is one of the biggest financial donors to a raging dumpster fire in the nation’s capital.

Donald McDonald confirmed that in recent days he donated $75,000 to a flaming garbage receptacle in Ottawa.

The dumpster fire in question has been burning for almost three weeks now, thanks in large part to donations from supporters like McDonald.

“Some look at this burning dumpster as a dangerous, smelly, illegal blight on the nation,” said McDonald. “But, I’ve seen it with my own eyes and it’s a peaceful, beautiful symbol of resistance against tyranny! It represents love and unity — and also a bunch of other stuff I don’t want to talk to the liberal mainstream media about.

“It’s my duty as a Canadian to keep the flames burning high and proud! This dumpster fire is the glowing heart of our patriot nation and it represents the true north — strong and free!”

McDonald says that he saved the cash in wadded up $5 and $20 bills in a secret bunker below his business. This past weekend, he personally drove the money to Ottawa and tossed gym bags full of cash directly into the flames himself.

For some including McDonald, the garbage blaze has become emblematic of the national angst against vaccine mandates and pandemic countermeasures.

“I just stood there, inhaling that burning plastic paper…filling my lungs with that acrid smoke,” he smiled, eyes closed reliving the moment. “Some people say that’s gross and dirty, but that’s the smell of freedom, baby!”

Many believe that the fire would have petered out days ago without help from people like McDonald. While the Ottawa fire department has kept the fire from spreading beyond the dumpster, it has not been able to extinguish the main blaze itself.

However, the freedom fire’s days now may be numbered. Yesterday, the federal government activated the federal Emergencies Act, and it plans to fly in a squadron of forest fire water bombers to extinguish the blaze in the immediate future.

 

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