Mayor Mel Norton seeks to use power to free Steven Avery

Mayor Mel Norton seeks to use power to free Steven Avery

Saint John — The story of Steven Avery and his struggles with the Manitowoc Police Department and the Wisconsin judicial system has swept the nation and has quickly become one of most hotly debated true crime series in the history of television. And now, Saint John Mayor Mel Norton is seeking to use his “significant power and influence” to free Avery from the life sentence that he’s serving for the murder of Teresa Halbach.

“I know Steven didn’t do it,” said the impassioned mayor. “It was those bastard cops in Manitowoc County. First they wrongfully convict the guy for rape because they don’t like him, and then they convict him of murder all because he was the last person known to have seen this girl and they found remnants of her burned body in his front yard — big deal.”

The mayor is seeking to officially pardon Avery for his convictions, and wants to make sure that the police department is shut down for good. “Those cops are about as dirty as the ones in Fredericton,” continued Norton.

The major problem Norton is facing while trying to issue this pardon is that he actually doesn’t have the power to do so, either in Wisconsin or in Saint John. “Well, this is stupid,” complained Norton. “What can I do then? It’s like there’s no weight at all that comes with being mayor of Saint John.”

Norton said he became enraged while watching Making a Murderer, the Netflix series that follows the Avery case, and vowed to his family and friends that he “would do anything and everything” in his power to free Steven Avery.

It was early on his is application when the mayor discovered that he does not posses the authority required to make such a pardon. “I tried to get a hold of Obama,” remembered Norton. “But that twerp Trudeau wouldn’t give me his cell number, so I drove right down to the prison where they’re keeping Steven and demanded he be released. But they wouldn’t do it — even after I showed them my Mayor I.D. card.

“It’s a travesty that I can’t exercise that kind of authority,” Norton went on. “It’s like the only perks to this job are the blue parking spots in front of all the stores, not having to pooper-scoop after my dogs, and I get to boss around my brother whenever I want.”

Norton elaborated on the reason he is convinced of Avery’s innocence. “Look at the facts,” he said. “Netflix wouldn’t make a documentary about a murderer — I mean, come on. It’s so obvious that the police framed him; I can see it plain as day, but unfortunately for Avery there’s no one on that show half as smart or a quarter as good-looking as me.”

Mayor Norton said that this whole experience has left a bad taste in his mouth, so he has no plans to run for mayor in the next election. “What’s the point, if I can’t even pardon an innocent man?”

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