Atlantic Canada — Shortly after the winter of 2018-19 has finally officially ended, meteorologists are warning Maritimers to prepare for the second iteration of the same season.
According to Manatee meteorologist Ben Hill, after only a few weeks of spring, the Atlantic provinces will be hit with a week-long heavy snowfall and winter conditions that will last another two months into late June.
“We’re going to be seeing lots of freezing winds, so cold that you should not go outside. There will be plenty of icy roads, school closures galore, cars won’t start, people will feel absolutely miserable,” said Hill, anticipating that this second winter will somehow be worse than the first one.
According to Hill, global warming and and the overuse of air conditioners are to blame for the second winter. Apart from annoyingly chipper skiers, Maritimers we spoke with were largely unhappy about the weather prediction.
“This blows! I already dug out all my summer clothes and two-year-old sunscreen that I never use!” said Tammy Wilson, a Fredericton resident.
“Most of us here in town are dressed for summer on the first day of spring, and I put all my winter clothing in a donation bin…Guess I have to go shell out a few hundred more dollars. What a waste.”
Some parents are mostly concerned about the inevitable school closures.
“My kids missed so much school already this year — you have got to be kidding me!” cried James Cooper of Moncton. “This has to be some kind of plot by teachers; the lazy bastards get enough time off as it is and now they’re trying to sneak in some extra snow days before their paid summer vacation kicks in!”
Hill reiterates that even if it looks sunny and mild outside, stepping out of the house or vehicle will be like a frigid punch in the face.
“I can’t stress enough how cold and miserable it’s going to be during this second winter. Any plans you’ve made — cancel them. You’re going to be snowed in for a long time.”