Fredericton — As the “Atlantic bubble” is set to take effect July 3, New Brunswick remains the sole province among the four with active cases of COVID-19. This means residents of the Picture Province are settling back into the traditional role of living in the place no one wants to visit.
“We had our time in the sun — we’ll always remember that two-week period in April when New Brunswick was the place to be and I was the man of the hour,” said a visibly relieved Premier Blaine Higgs. “But I think we all feel more comfortable with things going back to how they were for decades. We never did like change, or being in the spotlight, or having people expect things from us.
“I know I’ll be heading somewhere more fun as soon as possible,” he continued. “Honestly I was getting sick of the whole ‘Stepping Up for My New Brunswick’ charade. It was becoming pretty tough to wear those shirts with a straight face!”
“It’s just easier this way,” agreed Tabitha MacPherson of Moncton. “We’re finally back to being the people no one wants around — I mean, no one wants us to bring coronavirus to their province — which sounds bad at first, but when you think about it, it’s a good thing…at least for my family.
“It wouldn’t be summertime if we didn’t go to a beach in P.E.I. or Nova Scotia with a ton of Alpine, yelling in Chiac, leaving cigarette butts everywhere, blasting our awful music, and making a drunken scene. Thankfully now we can just be ourselves again!”
Our reporter spoke with a few people hailing from other parts of the Maritimes.
“Would I ever bother visiting New Brunswick? Hell no,” said Haligonian Sheryl Wright. “Especially not now. I drove through it once to get to Quebec and that was enough of ‘that place’ to last a lifetime. I just wish we were allowed to ban them from visiting us, but one step at a time, I s’pose.”
“There’s nothing in New Brunswick that we don’t have here, except active cases of the virus,” said Summerside woman Sandy Gallant. “I’ve never been there, but I haven’t heard anything good about it. This summer seems like an ideal one to continue my longstanding tradition of not even considering New Brunswick as a vacation spot.”
New Brunswickers, meanwhile, couldn’t care less what the other Atlantic provinces think.
“When we were doing so well with containing the virus in the spring, it felt a little weird to have people looking to us for advice and inspiration,” said Saint Johner Pete Allan. “We set the bar pretty high there for a while. It’s nice to be able to just relax and enjoy mediocrity again.”