New Brunswick — As more and more young New Brunswickers move back home from Western Canada, the smiles of those who remained in the province grow even more smug.
Randy MacDonald walks up the steps to his parents’ door. He just moved back to Sussex after working on an oil rig in Alberta for the last three years. A sign hangs above his parents’ door that reads “Welcome home, Randy!” in bright red letters. Below that it says “Know your place.”
“Everyone knows Fort Mac is toxic, and we’re just happy that Randy got out of there before he got too big for his breeches,” said Randy’s mother Saundra MacDonald, with her arm protectively draped over his shoulders.
Randy’s forced smile as his father affectionately ruffles his hair is identical to that of the many other youth returning to the East Coast. Statistics Canada recently released information showing that in 2014, 7 out of 10 people that moved out west from New Brunswick 5 years ago now live in New Brunswick again. Many are saying that westerners “bullied” those from the East Coast about their quaint accent and “niceness.”
“They said we’re always talking about the East Coast, to the point that it became a tired trope. I just want to feel the warmth of a good ol’ Maritime kitchen party again,” said Randy.
Other youth who had no dreams of venturing off claim that they “knew all along that leaving was a bad choice.”
“It just goes to show that New Brunswick is the kind of place you can’t escape from. There’s no point in even trying,” proudly said Randy’s former girlfriend, Irma Cunningham of Sussex, who is allegedly known in the community to brag about having never even visited Prince Edward Island. “We knew you’d come crawling back for more,” she added.
Since the recent election, rumours abound that the new Liberal government will be raising minimum wage by $5 to make New Brunswick a desirable destination for young professionals. An official announcement is expected to be made in November.